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Volcanoes are like Assholes   fig 01: earthly volcano Every once in a while, my sister comes up with a theory. Anybody remember the pigeon theory? "If pigeons had theme music," my sister once contemplated, "people would like them better." I never heard anything like it before in my life, but when I thought about it and built an interference-free testing environment to prove her theory, surprisingly enough it was indeed proven to be fact. So, when I got back to my desk after a nice walk to the ballpark (work's incredibly dead today) I found a message on my voicemail. It was my brand new brother (in-law if you want to get technical) telling me in a clear voice what my sister was giggling in the background. "Ben, Adina has a new theory. 'Volcanoes are like assholes.'" He then went on to list the few points that proved her newest discovery that he could remember. "Some are active, some are dormant. Some have hot spots and some have steam." It sounded so ridiculous, but underneath it all there was a hint of truth. I mean, sure it's gross and makes you cringe when you try to picture a steamy bum in your mind, but then again, who really talks about this? Nobody. What did my sister just do? Well, through comedy, she broke new ground. She made public that which has been kept private for millennia. So, I saw that my sister was online and I just HAD to confirm her thoughts. fig 02: humanly volcano Benjamin: So, I hear that 'some ar dormant, some are active. Some have hot spots and some have steam.' Please go on... Adina: Some just erupt for no aparent reason at all. Benjamin: Uh huh. This is gold. Please go on. Adina: Usually it makes people run away in horror, and people who are nearby have to hold their noses. Adina: Not to mention that asses and volcanoes are surprisingly shaped almost exactly the same, notice the ever so potent HOLE. Benjamin: Uh huh... Benjamin: I'm in tears. Adina: Some who are brave venture near those "holes". People call them crazy. Benjamin: Uh huh... (insert noises of typing)... Adina: Steam when white, not so bad... The browner things get, the more dangerous they are. Adina: This whole concept was my "brain fart", get it? Benjamin: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Benjamin: I think I have enough, Ma'am. Thank you. Adina: Comedy gold. Benjamin: Comedy gold indeed. Adina: You are quite welcome. So, you see, after you wipe away your tears of laughter and really dig in and study her theories, you'll notice that, yes, sometimes even YOUR backside is active, and sometimes it's dormant. Truth is truth. Thank you Adina.