In emptying the dishwasher I came to two conclusions. Conclusion Number One is that we have too many spoons. Conclusion Number Two is that I can't wait until Lisa and I are officially married. Let me break it down in a more detailed fashion. Conclusion Number One - The Spoon Surplus We have so many spoons, they spill over from their little spoons-only slot in the utensils organizer that Lisa got at Target (shiver), and they're sharing space with our too-small selection of forks (I honestly don't think we have to of the same fork - result of the same series of consequences that gave us so many spoons). It's like the spoons have realized their numbers, got organized, and have begun to stage some kind of coup to take over the drawer. Conclusion Number Two - The Blessing Of Marriage This is a different, yet related, conclusion than the first. You see, once the hitchin's done and Lisa done be my wife ready for the breedin', we're going to get rid of all those spoons (and that little assortment of forks) and replace them with our orderly, matching, perfect, precisely counted 16 place settings worth of Lenox Federal Platinum silverware. That's right. All this coming from someone who prides himself in knowing that Superman's pet monkey's name is Beppo. I couldn't be happier and more eager to see that drawer open one day in the near future and see all my silverware lined up in an orderly fashion, each looking exactly like its neighbor, like my own, person, little army of tools for eating. No more mismatched utensils. No more running out of forks before running out of knives, and well before running out of spoons. No more having to settle for the last spoon in the drawer that's way too big for a jello cup when all you really want to eat is a jello cup. My life will be so much better once all the goodies come flooding in thanks to the generosity of our friends and families. Going back to Beppo - there once was a time when I though my life would be complete, finally complete, when I would get my hands on a DC Direct exclusive plush Beppo doll, the monkey with suit and cape and everything. But now, even though I still want Beppo neatly placed somewhere in my Superman shrine, I want that silverware dammit! And not just silverware - I want to do away with four large clear blue glass plates and three large beige porcelain plates with black trim. I want to do away with mugs that come in sets of three, five, or one. I want to do away with my total of six steak knives that are broken down into four styles. I want it all to match. I want it all to be new and clean and unused by anyone in the world except for either Lisa or myself. I'll come home and there will be a kind of karmic peace in my house - a tranquility in my kitchen, and a balance, finally a balance, to every meal and/or snack. |
