I’ve been unemployed for a whole week and a half now, and boy have I been busy. I’ve been polishing up my resume. I’ve been adding more and more to my portfolio. I’ve been applying to companies all over the place and following up on them too.
When I first started out in this crazy, no-paycheck life, I couldn’t have been busier. But now things are starting to slow down just a pinch. I check all the job listings every hour or so, but now I’m just skimming looking for new postings – I’ve applied to everything else.
However, I did notice some things about this more relaxed lifestyle.
Beer Drinking Frequency Goes Up
Ever since the Super Bowl happened at my place (it was a sudden, spur of the moment, last minute type of thing) there’s been beer in my fridge. Now, I don’t want that evil alcohol, beverage of the Devil, in my house. But then again, I’m not one to make waste either. So, I’ve been having the occasional beer as I sit here looking out the window, applying for jobs, etc… It’s nice.
It’s actually kind of relaxing.
Granted I applied to a couple circuses and female modeling positions, but nobody’s 100% perfect.
Shaving Frequency Goes Down
I shaved for the second time in two weeks today. It’s kind of funny. I’m a hairy guy and, without shaving for just a few days, I look like a lumberjack. I’m walking around looking like Walt Whitman most of the time, and I think it’s a kick. Besides, where do I have to go? Should an interview pop up, believe me I’ll shave and shower and put on the nice clothes. But until then, I’ll remain an unshaven and barefoot beast.
Becoming Aware Of Fellow Unemployed Upstairs Neighbor’s Daily Routine
My upstairs neighbors, the Marathon Shtoopers, are 50% unemployed. How do I know? Well, there’s only one set of hoof-steps (I named the girl Thunderhoof – I have my reasons) during the day, and during the evening and night one can hear the both of them clip-clopping all over the house.
Thunderhoof’s day begins with sitting on the balcony, just above my balcony where I can clearly hear, talking to her girlfriends about guys. Then, her mode shifts and she begins talking to her girlfriends about television shows. After he phone calls are done, she goes into her ‘sunning mode’ in which, I assume due to her lack of movement and the constant flood onto our balconies during the day, that she’s sun tanning.
After that, however, it gets really exciting. Thunderhoof stampedes to the kitchen to make herself a snack, gets back on the phone on the balcony, and then stampedes to the bathroom to unload her mountainous pile of manure. I believe that after she makes the manure she sniffs it, and then pounds her way back to the balcony for more sunning.
Constantly Amazed At Just How Fast An Empty Banana Peel Goes Black
When food shopping, Lisa always makes sure that we buy plenty of fruit. Being the fellow who doesn’t like to make waste (remember the beer) I eat said fruit. What I’ve done, three times already, is eat a banana and then, for whatever reason, throw the peel into the sink. I then forget about the peel, go to the kitchen a short while later for a drink (juice – I’m not hooked on beer, it’s just a joke), and notice that the empty peel is blackened.
Blackened with what? Well, with the internet right at my fingertips all day you’d think I’d have looked it up by now – but I’ll just assume that it’s turned black from sadness.
Surprising Myself With Zero Television During The Day
That’s right - zero TV. I have yet to watch a program or movie during the day while unemployed. That job isn’t going to find itself, is it? Even on the weekends. I’m looking and looking and looking. Haven’t had a nibble yet, but I’m trying. Maybe there’s a piece-of-cake-break here and a chocolate-milk-break there, but all in all I’m listening to great music and working on finding work.
It’s depressing and shocking to me. I’ve wanted some time to myself to watch any of my many
awesome movies, and I haven’t popped in one. I’m proud, I’m surprised, and I’m even a little scared. Who is this man that claims to be me and occupies the exact same physical space that I, until now, believed I occupied?
Perplexing.
