IN YOUR FACE! Anyway, Dave and Adina, Kenn (he's part of the Jesus loving cult that's consumed a sizeable chunk of the planet but had nowhere to go this year so we asked him to rock out this Christmas 'Jewish Style' (patent pending)), Lisa and myself went to the local supder-duper-megaplex to watch 'Catch Me If You Can'. We got to the theater for an earlier showing of Gangs of New York, but the theater was so packed we could only sit scattered apart in the front row. That's not good so we swapped tickets and got in line a little over an hour early for 'Catch Me If You Can'. As we waited in line, well, nothing happened. But as the line grew longer and the time for the doors to theater to open drew close, it was all action baby! Oh, there was the banding together of movie patrons. There was the ages old battle of racism. There where representatives of many nations. There was an epic struggle. Heroes, villains, ICEEs, and more. Within about 15 minutes it was all over, but it was a confrontation that we would, all of us, never forget. Nice People Get In Line Behind Us The Sneaking Just to the right of us, ducking in the entrance/exit way of Theater 2 was a small family of Russian decent. How do I know they're Russian? Because they spoke Russian and, to hell with all of you Politically Correct snobs, they looked Russian. Anyway, The Sneaky Russians were ducking in and out of the entrance/exit every time we looked their way. They had, all of them, guilty looks on their faces and evil little smiles as they took pleasure from every passing moment that they were attempting to cut their way into line. Aside from them, there were two girls, young women actually, who are the aforementioned Bitches At The Door. They just showed up, right around when the Sneaky Russians appeared. Their cut-in-line approach was different, and much more blunt. They decided to stand directly in front of the theater doors, waiting for them to open, all the while speaking openly as if they were innocent and oblivious to the already formed line observed by all other theater patrons except for sneaky pieces of shit like them. The Battle Begins Then barking began between the front most members of the line and the two parties of sneaky, cheating, low-life bastards. "Get in the back of the line," we shouted to all of them. "Don't cut," we threw out, as well as, "If you get in ahead of us we hope you sit in gum!" Our cries feel of deaf and ignorant ears, and even though our one, solitary, sole defender began to laugh at our heckles from in front of the Bitches At The Door, neither the Bitches nor the Russians made any move to leave. The Battle Rages On The Bitches At The Door, however, were much like Poland in the fact that they were both A) going to eventually lose after putting up a ridiculous defense and B) stupid. With the Russians banished to the back of the every growing line, all our angered and hateful energies, still in heckle form, were now focused like a laser on those two ridiculous whores who dared block the doors that dozens upon dozens of people had been patiently waiting to pass through. With War Comes Politics Lisa walked up to the Bitches At The Door, paid a friendly greeting to our still standing strong emissary from a short while back as an example of just how wonderful politeness is to the Bitches, and then asked why they decided to cut in front of everyone. "We're waiting for this movie," they told her. "The movie's in this theater, and we're waiting in front of this theater." "But everyone in that line over there is waiting for this movie, and they've been there for an hour." "That's not our problem. They should be waiting her." Instantly, Lisa realized that these two walking, talking, breathing pieces of manure weren't worth her effort, and she returned to her rightful place in line. They Defy Us, We Shoot Our Little Guns. They Shoot Their Little Guns
Back, We Shoot Our Biggest Guns, Bring In Reinforcements, And Escalate
The Whole Damn Thing The commotion grew so raucous, that theater security had to step in - totally in defense of the line. They tried to explain, in extreme detail yet with small words so the hollow-skulled tramps at the door would understand, however, it was all for nothing. Shortly thereafter, the theater manager, or assistant manager at least, arrived and informed the Bitches At The Door that the doors won't open, that theater guests would not go into the theater, and that the line won't move until they give up and go to the back of the line. They shouted. They argued. They bitched and moaned like the whores they are (I don't know if you've noticed, but I HATE IT when someone tries to cut in front of me in line - there's no mercy here), but to no avail. They marched to the back of the line to the cheers and applause of fellow, law abiding patrons. Amongst the cheering public, someone who made her presence known only quite recently, was an older Chinese woman. She yelled and tried to direct security's attention to the wrong doings of the Bitches At The Door, and she joined in with everyone's cheers when the Bitches At The Door gave up. But when all that was said and done, she didn't leave our side and stayed, her shoulder kind of nestled into our spot in line - right between us and the nice family immediately behind us. What this idiot didn't realize was that some bonding had occurred between us and the family behind us, and that meant that should anyone decide to cut in between these two allies there would be hell to pay. And did we ever pay. We asked her where she came from, and if she really believed that she would get in line. He responses in semi-broken English with awkward pauses were hilarious but insulting nonetheless. "You're cutting in line too," we told her. Instantly mad and angry as all hell she interrupts us with, "I wait here. I wait long time." "No you didn't. Go to the back of the line like everyone else." "I wait here! You racist! You all racist!" To that, my sister, the least confrontational of all, brings out the big guns, "Security!" Security moves over to the front of the line, the Bitches At The Door situation having long since been diffused. Racist Dickhead Makes Her Last Stand Racist Dickhead repeated her slurs on our good names and reputations, thus further aggravating and annoying the head of the line. People everywhere were getting frustrated for everyone knew that we could have been in the theater and seated comfortably had it not been for the likes of the Bitches At The Door and now, most recently, Racist Dickhead. Racist Dickhead's taunts of "racist" and "dickhead" persisted, and finally, when security had had enough, they physically stepped in between us, the righteous line-waiting members of the law abiding public, and her, the foul mouthed whore with limited vocabulary that would have said worse and more vile things had she the education. Still screaming and arguing, she was turned and around and eventually sent walking to the back of the line. In the meantime, since no further obstacles lay before us, the management and security allowed us to pass, finally to pass, and go into the theater. Sitting in the theater, we readied ourselves for the coming of the Bitches At The Door and Racist Dickhead. We all agreed to boo and hiss them should they walk in, but since they held up the line for so long the lights were already out before the end of the line even came in. Victory is hours, my faith in humanity, at least for the time being, is restored, and 'Catch Me If You Can' is a great movie. |
