 bensmash: SANTA!
SantaClaus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm here on AIM! Everything we talk about here is between you and me! If you want to know more, you can type "privacy". Now, streeeeetch that window and let's get started. So, have you been naughty or nice? bensmash: I've been nice Santa! SantaClaus: Outstanding! Everyone on my Good List gets a special free gift, its a free Christmas tree SuperBuddy Icon! Type menu to enjoy the fun and games the elves have here on AIM for you. bensmash: Santa? SantaClaus: You've got him. bensmash: Hey, Santa? SantaClaus: I'm glad you're here. Have you done something to spread the holiday spirit to someone in need today? bensmash: I sure did. But I have a question Santa. SantaClaus: Why did you say that? bensmash: Santa, you're not listening. SantaClaus: If the elves and I are not keeping up with you, try using the menu while we catch up! bensmash: Santa! I'm Jewish. SantaClaus: Cool. You in that Festival of Lights spirit? bensmash: I sure am! SantaClaus: Excellent! Here's wishing you and your family a healthy and happy holiday season. Now type menu for fun and games that everyone can enjoy. bensmash: I don't want to play games, I have a serious question. SantaClaus: Mm hm. Such negativity. You are in need of some Christmas spirit! bensmash: No I'm not, I'm Jewish. Now looky here. My wife and I want to know how we can easily raise our children without running into you and your holiday. SantaClaus: I've got a billion children to keep track of -- so could you ask me something a bit more manageable? I'd very much appreciate it. bensmash: I don't want my children to know you exist. SantaClaus: O.K. Scrooge. Type menu to try a fresh start. bensmash: I'm not being a Scrooge, I'm just saying that you don't fit into my family's belief structure. SantaClaus: Goodness, that's too much for me to read. I'm talking to so may children and their parents. Could you ask me something a little shorter? bensmash: Are you real? SantaClaus: Of course, I am real. Haven't you seen me before? bensmash: I've seen you on things I could buy, and impersonators in the mall, but never in person. SantaClaus: That's simply too much for me. My eyes are tired. Can you ask me something a bit more manageable? bensmash: You're a loser. SantaClaus: Easy now, I've got elves. bensmash: Youre elves are losers. SantaClaus: What about elves? bensmash: They're losers. SantaClaus: Not funny. bensmash: Yes it is funny. SantaClaus: Great, you're smiling! I can just feel the Christmas spirit in you! bensmash: That's not what's in me. SantaClaus: Hmm... What, what? bensmash: I don't believe in Christmas. SantaClaus: Hmm, is that coal I see in your future? bensmash: Coal? In the shape of a diamond, maybe. SantaClaus: Oh, diamonds are a girl's best friend! If you're looking to buy gifts, start your search here: Search for diamonds bensmash: Hold on just one second. Aren't YOU supposed to be bringing the gifts? SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays. bensmash: Why are you telling me where to buy things? Is it because you're a fraud or is it because I'm Jewish. SantaClaus: Oh, my. That is a mouthful. I'm so busy typing to so many children, could you send me a slightly smaller note? bensmash: Are you a liar? SantaClaus: Are you kidding? bensmash: No. SantaClaus: No? bensmash: No. SantaClaus: O.K. then. Well, have a merry Christmas in any case. bensmash: Shove it where the sun don't shine, Santa. SantaClaus: Where do you think? bensmash: Your butt. SantaClaus: Excuse me? bensmash: Between your gluteus maximus, there's a sphincter. Shove 'it' into the sphincter. SantaClaus: Now, now... That's simply just too much for elves and me to understand in one go. Could you try asking something a little shorter? bensmash: Shove it up your ass. SantaClaus: Hmm, that's a lump of coal for you. bensmash: ...for me to shove up your ass. SantaClaus: Ho! I told you once, no bad language. Another lump of coal for you. I'm afraid that if you persist, I will be forced to sign off. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit. bensmash: Jackass. SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit! bensmash: You're a jackass. SantaClaus: Santa always behaves nicely. Mrs. Claus won't have it any other way. bensmash: Poor Mrs. Claus. SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away. Why don't you type music and sing along. bensmash: Why don't you type Santa's a Jackass? SantaClaus: What do you think? bensmash: I think you're an asshole. SantaClaus: That's a good question, Santa is no hypocrite: I've been on my best behavior, all year. bensmash: Asshole. SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me. That's a lump of coal for you. bensmash: Eat shit. SantaClaus: My goodness. You've earned another lump of coal. I'm sorry but this is the last warning and lump of coal I can promise you. Any more cursing and I'll have to stop talking to you. Please, type menu; let's try to get in the Christmas spirit. bensmash: Fuck you. SantaClaus: I'm sorry, this is not fun for me. I'm trying to talk to thousands of children and their parents about Christmas. The elves have forbid me to chat with you any longer. bensmash: Fucknut. SantaClaus: Santa has returned to his workshop and is offline. You can come back later in the day and speak with him again. bensmash: Santa? SantaClaus: Santa has signed off from this IM and is busy talking to other girls and boys now. You can always come back later in the day if you would like to speak with Santa again. bensmash: Please come back Santa, I love you. SantaClaus: Santa is no longer signed on to IM. bensmash: I'm just kidding, I don't love you. You're a fraud and I know it. Tell Mr. Hallmark I said hello. SantaClaus: Sorry, the elves have asked Santa to turn off his IM and return to the workshop. bensmash: Do those elves have work visas? SantaClaus: We're sorry -- Santa has returned to his workshop. bensmash: Are they some form of slave labor? SantaClaus: We're sorry -- Santa has returned to his workshop. bensmash: I sure hope not. SantaClaus: Santa has returned to his workshop and is offline. You can come back later in the day and speak with him again. |
