Writes


Letters
Company Pen
Betting On Trump
How Many Toilets?
Lost Nickle
Dear Airline
Dear Senator Vasconcellos
Dear CBS
Dear Carolina Panthers
10 Questions From Americans
Dear Toys R Us...
Small On Top?
The Benjagon
Use Those Weather-Sticks
Einstein Didn’t Know His Barber Could Cook
I Want Your Clutter
Hello, Coca-Cola?
The Question About The Bill
10 Interview Questions


Dreams
Do I Own A Snake?
Fourth Is Enough
7 Year Living Room
Water Bowl
Overboard
Team 3D and The Finger
Coin Bringer
Turtle Dancing and Jell-O World
Team 3D vs. The French
Almost Spiderman
Killing The Old For Books
Closet Snake
Walking Out
Outside My Casino
Todd Took My Beer
Wednesdayding Lake
Vegas Clean Out
U.S. History Quiz in Tijuana
Uri and I vs. Lewis and Tyson
Team 3D 'Cleans' House
Shopping School
Talking to G-d in a Toy Aisle
Witness to a Dream
Bill Clinton's Pep Talk
Team 3D and the 3D Girls vs. The Purple Maori Theater Seat Thieves
North Africa vs. South Africa
Team 3D vs. The Invisible Yellow Llama -or- Zoo Island
Sparing Bonnie Hunt
Quarters for Dogs
Telling Her Off
Killing in Defense
Team 3D vs. The Ozone Blob
Mega Work Dream
Risking Life and Limb Over World War Two Germany
Pastry Bunnies
Dave and Ben vs. Ted Danson
Cory Car Club
Team 3D in New York
Yael's Book Opening Sword
Ten Foot Tall Piece of Fridayed Chicken
Web Hostage
Sky God
Team 3D vs. The Mall Wave
Nose Vines
U.F.I. Mining Town
Girls in Torture-land
Benjamin's Elevator Shaft Shower and the Golden Cross
Me, Kenn, Some Russian Guy, and Fire...
Team 3D vs. The Storm Crane
Two Dreams
Team 3D Detectives
Two Things Wrong
The Musical
A Shave and a Spot
Hawaii 500
Moving In
Japan's Crack Super Parachute Commando Squadron!

 
I Love My Giants But...
 

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I was beginning to wonder why my team, my Giants, were on a losing streak. I was wondering why a team that had fought so gallantly last season was falling apart now, now that it was expected of them to succeed while there was still some momentum from last season.

But now I know.

I know why they're 3rd in their division and 8th in the whole of professional baseball. I know why they're a horrible four and a half games out, 3 games out of even having a decent chance. I know, I know, I know…

Arrogance.

Baseball's on its knees right now, and while it doesn't even know if it'll stand back up on its own two feet before the season's over, the few games we (the players and the fans) probably have left, these two shmucks have it out, in public, in their dugout, in the middle of a game.

Barry's mad that nobody will pitch to him and, he thinks, that when they do eventually pitch to him they're trying to hit him. On top of that, with all the press Barry's received, especially with last year's home run chase, reports say that he's become full of himself - not interacting on a personal level with anybody on his team anymore.

Jeff Kent and the other players are trying to play, but with a huge rip in the tender fabric of camaraderie often associated with a 'team', it doesn't matter if the tear is out there all by himself in left field.

This is where salary caps come into play. This is where strict punishments need to be made and enforced. If I had any say, I'd keep these boys out of the next game AND dock their pay for that game. The only children in baseball are the kids in the stands watching the men they idolize do what they can only dream. Kids can't pull off the rare triple play or kit a ball over 400 feet or throw to home from center field just in time to beat a speeding runner. Professionals do that. Kids get mad and fight.

Still, though, I can understand the pressures this team, and all the other teams, must be under, however, I haven't heard a peep out of the other teams not getting along. Well, there was this thing about some pitcher and a bean, but other than that, not a sound. And if there is any locking of horns going on in baseball, all of it, until now, took place in the locker room, out of sight of anyone other than the team.

It's childish, and professionals need not 'play' that way. It's embarrassing for me, a Giants fan, to have to stand up for and explain the apparent shortcomings of my crew to my brother the Dodgers fan.