Writes Stories & Letters 10 Interview Questions Stronger Underwear : G-d's Cosmic Joke Happy Tree Vengeance Company Pen Betting On Trump Millionaire Managing Director How Many Toilets? Lost Nickle Chatting With Santa One Minute Lock-Out FBI Buddy Flashback Failure Dear Airline No More Bowlers Detroit Rock City ... Again Dear Senator Vasconcellos Dear CBS Dear Carolina Panthers Feeding Me 10 Questions From Americans Dare Pigeon Dear Toys R Us... Small On Top? I Love This Photo Movies on TV Kick My Ass Revelations The Benjagon I Love My Wife Dear Mr. The Pope Kids Are Easy With Age Comes Greed Floridiots Married = Popular Green Flash Use Those Weather-Sticks 25% Less Means More For Me More Unemployed Observations Einstein Didn’t Know His Barber Could Cook Duck Uberalis Hi, I'm Rob Things About Unemployment Are You Hiring? Sweet Home Two Weeks In Manhattan Go To The Minyan - Supplemental Go To The Minyan Too Many Spoons Dear Raiders... I Gots Me A Man! Volcanoes Are Like Assholes Marathon Shtoopers Pair of Pants Size vs. Pressure Hello Morningstar! Toilet Praise How Much Food Do You Have? Battle at Theater 4 Pigeons Humor Is Money I Want Your Clutter Hello, Coca-Cola? Adina's Collapse Conspiring Husbands Boo Frikkin Hoo - I LOVE YOU URI Charles the Invader Bible Talk Best Man Speech That Damn Remote Bum Pee Target Poopie Fun Fortune Cookies (not a story - but damn funny) Pushing The Elderly To Twirl Or Not To Twirl Paul Hoganges Corporate Collision Bathroom Etiquette Careful What You Wish For... Goodbye Steve B. My Beautiful Flag Poor Giants If I Could Fix Baseball... 3 Innings / 7 Dollars Oh Dad... Loving Lightsabers Who The Hell Are These People? Leaving Tijuana Seriously? Third Attempt Waiting In Line Pudding And Beer Buying Hemingway The Question About The Bill Halloween Heroes My Foot In My Mouth Hurt Magnet Jury Duty Puerto Nuevo Lobster Special No Toys For You Showdown With The Rabbi Sausalito Voted Least Flammable City In America I Hate Starbucks Congress Turned Down Tennessee/California Swap Three People I Don't Like Dreams Do I Own A Snake? Fourth Is Enough 7 Year Living Room Water Bowl Overboard Team 3D and The Finger Coin Bringer Turtle Dancing and Jell-O World Team 3D vs. The French Almost Spiderman Killing The Old For Books Closet Snake Walking Out Outside My Casino Todd Took My Beer Wednesdayding Lake Vegas Clean Out U.S. History Quiz in Tijuana Uri and I vs. Lewis and Tyson Team 3D 'Cleans' House Shopping School Talking to G-d in a Toy Aisle Witness to a Dream Bill Clinton's Pep Talk Team 3D and the 3D Girls vs. The Purple Maori Theater Seat Thieves North Africa vs. South Africa Team 3D vs. The Invisible Yellow Llama -or- Zoo Island Sparing Bonnie Hunt Quarters for Dogs Telling Her Off Killing in Defense Team 3D vs. The Ozone Blob Mega Work Dream Risking Life and Limb Over World War Two Germany Pastry Bunnies Dave and Ben vs. Ted Danson Cory Car Club Team 3D in New York Yael's Book Opening Sword Ten Foot Tall Piece of Fridayed Chicken Web Hostage Sky God Team 3D vs. The Mall Wave Nose Vines U.F.I. Mining Town Girls in Torture-land Benjamin's Elevator Shaft Shower and the Golden Cross Me, Kenn, Some Russian Guy, and Fire... Team 3D vs. The Storm Crane Two Dreams Team 3D Detectives Two Things Wrong The Musical A Shave and a Spot Hawaii 500 Moving In Japan's Crack Super Parachute Commando Squadron!

Pair of Pants   Haven't you ever wondered why something was the way it was but never asked for fear of looking dumb? Well I have no such fear! And this lack of said fear, this courage, was shown to the many makers of pants (Levi's, Dockers, The Gap, Old Navy, Structure, Macy's, and Anchor Blue) for I, Benjamin Smash, have a question that needs answering. THE LETTER Hey there, Just a quick question for you. Why are pants always referred to in pairs? If my wife buys me pants, she comes home and says, "I bought you a pair of pants." But when I look in the bag there're only enough pants in there to cover one rear end, one 'front end', and two legs. That's it. When my wife takes me shopping, she always has the need to buy me a couple pairs of pants, but only ends up with two instead of the clearly stated four (if a pair is two, then a couple pair would be four, no?). How did this all begin? Was there an invention long ago that simply covered one leg called The Pant that required being bought in pairs (except for the one-legged people who probably found this to be a convenience)? I've always wondered and now I'm asking. Please get back to me on this. Thank you for your time. -Benjamin THE RESPONSES Macy's Wed, 08 Jan 2003 Thank you for contacting Macys.com. An Internet Customer Service Representative will research your inquiry and respond to you shortly. Sincerely, Macys.com Internet Staff http://www.macys.com Macy's Thu, 09 Jan 2003 Dear Benjamin Smash, Thank you for your interest in macys.com. I hope the day will come when we confront this anomaly. Unfortunately, at present, we still refer to our pants as being pairs. Thank you for the thought. If you have any further questions or concerns, please e-mail us at macysmaildesk@fds.com or call us at: 1-800-289-6229. Our office hours are Monday through Saturday 9:00 AM to 12:00 AM EST and Sunday 11:00 AM to 10:00 PM EST. Sincerely, Tony Fairhead Internet Customer Service http://www.macys.com Old Navy Fri, 10 Jan 2003 Dear Benjamin, Thank you for your e-mail. Although both pant and pants are proper terms, we have no information concerning the origin of the of plural form used for a singular item. If we may be of further assistance, please contact us via e-mail at custserv@oldnavy.com or by calling 1-800-OLD-NAVY. Our Customer Service Consultants are available 24 hours a day for your convenience. Sincerely, Chris Customer Service Consultant