 This photo is of my father and I. Guess who, in this shot, just said something in front of over a hundred guests and embarrassed the other. Guess who. That's right, my father. This was my younger sister's engagement party. Nice country club, everyone's in a tie and looking smart, and then after some food and drinks, people felt comfortable with microphones. I just love it when that happens. So, I made a speech because, well, as both big brother of the bride AND best man, it was kind of expected of me. So, I made up something on the fly, and it was incredibly hilarious and it killed. The whole room was in tears from my humor. No, not because it was bad - because it was damn funny. Just ask my fiancé and she'll tell you I'm not lying. Go ahead, ask her. Moving along. I made my speech knowing full well not to draw attention to Lisa and I getting married. At that point in time, Lisa and I weren't engaged yet, so any attention thrown towards us about that topic, at the time, was embarrassing. I made the mistake once before, actually, shortly after Lisa and I started going out. She was my date to my cousin Richie's wedding, and since the best man for that wonderful night never showed, my cousin Todd and I took it upon ourselves to make a little speech right after the blessing over the bread and wine. Already having had a little to drink, we cracked some jokes, got some laughs, and the we each took a solo turn. Todd went on with the typical, 'welcome to the family' shpiel which, when you think about it, was all that was really called for. But I wanted to wing it, you know, with the whole alcoholic comedy. I had a great line that 'sounded good in my head'. What I wanted to say was that now with both my older cousin's married, I'm sure my sister and I will begin to feel the heat of marriage soon. Instead I raised my glass to Lisa and said something like, "Great, now all the pressure's on me!" Lisa was shocked. Yael, sitting next to her, leaned in and told her to start drinking, and I immediately realized what a mistake I made. So, I guess what goes around comes around. At my sister's engagement party my father pulled the same maneuver. The apple, it seems, doesn't fall far from the tree. He made a speech the evolved from how happy he and my mother were, to how happy they were to have so many friends in attendance, to how much they were looking forward to seeing everyone at the wedding, to (with a slap on my back after calling me up to my dismay) how he can't wait to see us all again at the, "next wedding coming up soon." I shut my eyes and absorbed the mix of applause and laughter from the crowd. I didn't want, in any way, to attract attention away from my sister and Dave. It was their day, after all, and I was just the best man. I'm just the shmuck who, until the day of the actual wedding and I literally have the job of holding the ring, does absolutely nothing. I pat the groom on the back. I tell him jokes to take his mind of off having to kiss dozens of old ladies he doesn't know. Oy vey. Anyway, the lesson learned here is this: if your father has a microphone - stay away. |
