Hell no. There's a heck more to it than that. I've got to prepare. I've got to know what we're going to be eating during said dinner party. I need to know if there's going to be peas, potatoes, beef, chicken, salad, soup, etc… I need to formulate, strategize, and then be patient for the proper moment to execute a well crafted, you-had-to-be-there kind of joke. Oh, sure, there's the occasional off the cuff, random, spur of the moment kind of 'electric comedy', but that's just when the mood's right. A bus driver doesn't always drive a bus. An accountant doesn't always do someone's taxes. An elephant pooper scooper doesn't always scoop poop. Why should I, a comedic genius, have to always spew forth mighty witticisms and unexpected word combinations? That's right, I shouldn't. And shortly after I came upon this nearly religious awareness, this awakening, this sudden broadening of my perception, one of my dear friends drops me a line. The 'dropping' of said line... Amy: When are we gonna' hang out again? Bensmash: I dunno... Got money? Amy: eh... not a lot of it, why? Bensmash: The more you have, the longer you can hang out with me. I'm starting a FBS (Friend Billing System). Amy: You're too funny Bensmash: Yes, I am funny - and funny is work. You think this shit just happens? I have to put the words 'monkey' and 'pants' together. There's no magical comedy-glue that does it for me you know. Bensmash: So, my humor takes time to produce. Bensmash: Time is money. Bensmash: Therefore, you owe me money, for you obtain happiness from said humor. Amy: yeah yeah yeah Amy: Bite me, baby. Bensmash: Ok. YOU get a discount, but everyone else pays. Amy: nuh uh - I want it for FREE. Bensmash: Call my Vice President of Billing. Her name's Lisa and maybe the two of you can work something out. Now if you don't mind, I have an advertising strategy to work out. In summation... And there you have it. I've already got myself a staff (Lisa, obviously, is my new VP), and I'm working on an ad campaign - a campaign that will focus on the end result of my comedic brilliance (the happiness and laughter), and not so much on the semi-expensive, monthly paid, year long contract that my customers will soon sign ($33 a month for local humor, $45 a month for nationwide. Anything over one 'comedic experience'* a day will cost $1.25 per experience. $150 early termination fee.) So, to you, my loyal readers, it's time to pay up. Email me for an address to which you may send your inquiries about how much you need to pay for my sharing of wisdom, and think about those wonderful times when you thought to yourself while reading one of my vents, "This stuff's so funny it's worth gold!"
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