Writes


Letters
Company Pen
Betting On Trump
How Many Toilets?
Lost Nickle
Dear Airline
Dear Senator Vasconcellos
Dear CBS
Dear Carolina Panthers
10 Questions From Americans
Dear Toys R Us...
Small On Top?
The Benjagon
Use Those Weather-Sticks
Einstein Didn’t Know His Barber Could Cook
I Want Your Clutter
Hello, Coca-Cola?
The Question About The Bill
10 Interview Questions


Dreams
Do I Own A Snake?
Fourth Is Enough
7 Year Living Room
Water Bowl
Overboard
Team 3D and The Finger
Coin Bringer
Turtle Dancing and Jell-O World
Team 3D vs. The French
Almost Spiderman
Killing The Old For Books
Closet Snake
Walking Out
Outside My Casino
Todd Took My Beer
Wednesdayding Lake
Vegas Clean Out
U.S. History Quiz in Tijuana
Uri and I vs. Lewis and Tyson
Team 3D 'Cleans' House
Shopping School
Talking to G-d in a Toy Aisle
Witness to a Dream
Bill Clinton's Pep Talk
Team 3D and the 3D Girls vs. The Purple Maori Theater Seat Thieves
North Africa vs. South Africa
Team 3D vs. The Invisible Yellow Llama -or- Zoo Island
Sparing Bonnie Hunt
Quarters for Dogs
Telling Her Off
Killing in Defense
Team 3D vs. The Ozone Blob
Mega Work Dream
Risking Life and Limb Over World War Two Germany
Pastry Bunnies
Dave and Ben vs. Ted Danson
Cory Car Club
Team 3D in New York
Yael's Book Opening Sword
Ten Foot Tall Piece of Fridayed Chicken
Web Hostage
Sky God
Team 3D vs. The Mall Wave
Nose Vines
U.F.I. Mining Town
Girls in Torture-land
Benjamin's Elevator Shaft Shower and the Golden Cross
Me, Kenn, Some Russian Guy, and Fire...
Team 3D vs. The Storm Crane
Two Dreams
Team 3D Detectives
Two Things Wrong
The Musical
A Shave and a Spot
Hawaii 500
Moving In
Japan's Crack Super Parachute Commando Squadron!

 
Flashback Failure
 
What’s a Flashback Failure? Uncle Ben’s here to tell you.

A Flashback Failure is when you’re off daydreaming, remembering a silly situation from way back when, and then all of a sudden, right when you’re about to smell that smell you remember, or hear that sound, your brain shuts down and denies you.

Just kidding.

I’m mush more shallow than that. I’m talking about remote controls. See, I’m in the middle of watching the Giants game on television right now, channel 40. Also, there’s a good Seinfeld episode on channel 2. So, I go to channel 2, then I go to channel 40. That way, if I just hit the flashback button I can bounce between the two when one goes to commercial.

But once in a while there’s a horrible loophole in televised programming – there’s a commercial on both channels. What do you do then? Read something? Call someone? Move? All unacceptable.

What about looking for something else on another channel, you ask? I’ve thought about it. Not a big fan, but I’ve thought about it. You see, I could start skipping around, looking for this and that, hoping I tune into a random channel just in time to see a cool effects shot or commercial that I think is funny and worth staying with. But then what?

I’m satisfied that I see something while my two programs are on a break, and once I’m fully satisfied with my channel-surfing-intermission, I type in 40 and I’m back at the ballgame. The game goes on, I get involved and forget about my little channel surfing. Then another commercial comes on and I hit the flashback button expecting to go to Seinfeld and guess what – I end up at some random channel and I don’t know why.

CONFUSION!

Anyway, now I’m sitting here, writing this, while I hear Barry hit one shallow to center and Feliz knocking one out to left for a homer. I don’t care what’s on channel 2 anymore. All I know is that my Giants play wonderfully from time to time this season, but all in all they’re neck-and-neck with a bunch of no-good CANADIANS for last place.

Stupid flashback button.