I went to the bookstore, found a fifteen dollar collection of Hemingway's short stories, took it to the check-out register, and put it on the counter. You should have seen the awe sweep over the clerk's face. "Hemingway," he trailed off as he picked up the book. "Now that's a terrific author." It was as if I knew what I was doing. The only way for me to truly explain buying Hemingway with an analogy is to compare someone who buys Hemigway to someone who knows a great deal about wine in an expensive restaraunt. My putting that copy of Hemingway on the counter must as been the equal of some snobby prick in an overpriced French restaraunt somewhere downtown snapping a waiter over and asking for something like, "your finest '64 Chateau le Blanc de Napels." I don't know if that exists, but just slap an overpaid VP, country-slub, SUV, snobby attitude on a poor French pronunciation, and you know what/who I'm talking about. Moving along, the clerk went on, "Short stories. Let me guess, you're getting this for school, right?" "Right, how did you know?" "San Francisco State's Focus on Literary Legends class?" "Um, no. City College's short story writing class." "You write short stories!?" You'd think I was a celebrity for a minute. "Yes I do. It's a great hobby of mine." "Wow. That's so neat. What else do you read?" Now, this is where I was going to get disappointing. Just because I like to write, doesn't mean I like to read. Well, not ture. I do like to read, but pretty much only things that are funny. If you'd like it better broken down, I read funny material 85% of the time, news 10% of the time, and the remaining 5% is spent going over my own stuff. (I'm allowed to think I'm funny too, aren't I?) Hemingway is a bump in the smooth road of nonsense that I usually read. This guy thinks I'm some kind of authoring genius, all on account of my purchasing a copy of Hemingway, and the fact that I'm taking a writing class. Watch this. "Well, I'm just a chapter or two away from finishing the third Lord of the Rings book. It's actually rather dull. And my fiancé just gave me a copy of Paul Reiser's Couplehood, and I tell ya', it's got me laughing out loud nearly every page. It even starts on page 153 just so that at the end, it looks like a 300 page book." Shock. But then, comfort. "I read Paul Reiser too! Isn't he just hilarious!?" "Yes he is." "I've never really gotten into Hemingway, though." "Well, neither have I. But from what I've heard, you should. And look around, you're in a bookstore. It's ready for you every day!" "True. That'll be $16.27." "Here you go." "Thank you, and have a nice night." So, what have we learned here? That nobody really reads Hemingway? Not at all. Plenty of people read Hemingway, but not necesarily those that work in bookstores or do creative writing on the side. Those people like Paul Reiser. |
