And in this one 'sitting', I do believe that the excreting public that entered and exited the bathroom during my 'stay' broke every frikkin' one of the unspoken, public restroom, etiquette rules. #1 - If you see
my feet, I'm on the seat #2 - If the door's
locked, don't put so much effort into opening it Don't try opening it again. Don't, for that only achieves three things. 1 - it makes you look like and idiot. 2 - it angers the person in the stall who's self-conscious enough as it is at that particular moment. 3 - forces communication between two strangers, one of whom is half naked, through a bathroom stall wall. If you try to open the door again, I (being the occupant) usually says something along the lines of, "Busy!" If it comes to that point, there's one of three things you do. Either apologize briefly and walk away, just walk away without a sound, or, three, you look, like an idiot, through the thin crack between the stall door and the stall wall to see if, yes indeed, someone's sitting on the toilet wanting nothing more than privacy. #3 - Would you
like it if I watched you take a crap? The only reason there's stalls out there in the world is because they're emergency stops for those who aren't at home or don't 'have enough time' to make it home to address the growing urgency of their bowels reaching capacity. Would you like it if I watched you? Probably not. Would you like it if I were trying to watch you take a crap? Wiping your ass? Hmm? Would you like that? #4 - If your feet
are facing the wrong way, I'm going to kill you If you have to take a leak, I understand your situation and I sympathize. Do what I, and the rest of the civilized men in the world do - use a urinal. They're there for your urine, urinate in them. I don't care if you have a small wacker. I don't care if your little buddy's sensitive to the cold climates usually experienced at close proximity to porcelain. The round peg goes in the round hole, the pee goes in the urinal, and the poop goes in the toilet. That's it, and that's all. These timid freaks are the ones who, in consideration of their privacy, and theirs alone, use #2 Stalls to take care of #1 Urinal level business. And when they're done, these socially inconsiderate pricks leave droplets of their productivity all over the seat. Do they clean up? No. Their concern is for the moment, and as soon as they're relieved, they'll zip up and move on. #5 - Don't want
to touch it? Kick it. Sure, sure, some fella's are proud of their creations, but making big poops is kinda' like catching a huge fish. You can tell everyone you know about it, but you did it alone and, like all fishing stories, it's better left an exaggeration of the truth instead of something you show your buddies. Flush that baby. And if you don't want to touch the flush handle, finish cleaning up, and kick the thing. Whatever you have to do, just get rid of it. And, let's just say, for shits and giggles, that your massive deposit won't go down, then grab an ass-gasket (toilet seat cover - that paper thing you REALLY should use) and cover the insulting doings of your back-side. #6 - Loud? Smelly?
Accept it. And don't comment on it. It's not really the fault of the pooper that his poop smells like it does. And besides, IT'S POOP! Get over it. I hope I've been somewhat helpful in this matter. I just want the restroom faring public to know that they're not at home. That even though it might be fun to watch people relieve themselves the burden of carrying their payload about all day in their homes, it's not proper behavior to do so in public. It's kind of like masturbation. We all do it, we all know it, but we never do it in public. There are reasons, and laws, that say so. |
