When you have an argument with her, she has the last word - always. You could be locked in battle with "are to" and "are not" flying back and forth, but when you get a sudden burst of energy towards the end of your debate, and blast out, loudly and clearly, "are to", she'll lower her head, walk away, and mumble softly under her breath, "are not". And she'll keep going further away and keep speaking quieter and quieter, until, even though it's completely inaudible to you, she says it one, last, time - and therefore, in her mind, winning the debate. She's like that. She likes to win. When we were kids, playing board games simply meant that she's going to win. How so? My sister's a Rule Maker. That's right. While you and I READ the rules to a new game, she MAKES the rules. I'll never forget her first rule for every game we ever played as kids, "Girls go first." No roll of the dice. No drawing of cards. Just girls go first. If there's money involved, she immediately got more. If there's property, she was allowed to buy things I wasn't. If there's dice, she gets to roll again until she gets the double sixes she'd been wanting. And on and on and on it went. Hell, if achieving flight meant she would have won the greatest prize in the world, she'd have talked G-d into turning off gravity just long enough for her to get there. My sister, my beautiful and sneaky sister, has fallen in love with Collapse - a Tetris-esque game found online at Shockwave.com. It's a simple game that loads quickly and is challenging enough for someone with a few minutes to spare here and there throughout the work day. She loves it. And every time she beats her previous high score, it's a matter of pride. She tells everyone, and by everyone, I mean only her husband Dave and I. Once, when she was playing Collapse, many months ago, I watched. Intrigued, I tried my luck and got a score much, much lower than my sister's. She nodded, explained what I did wrong, told me how some of the 'moves' I made she'd never make, and blah blah blah. She then went on to reach a higher level and greater score. So, not only is she a person who would fight tooth and nail just for a win, but she's the kind of gal that would say something like, "Remember that score of ten thousand you got? Well I got ten thousand five hundred. How about that? What are you going to do about that? Huh? Punk?" She's so cute when she taunts. I can see why Dave fell in love with her. Finally, revenge is at hand. Just the other day she was here, at my desk at work, waiting for Dave to show up so we could pick up Lisa (my fiancé) at the train station and then head on over to Cirque du Soleil for a fun filled, yet semi-romantic evening. While waiting, my sister went straight to Shockwave.com and from there, to Collapse, and started playing. As she was playing she began to talk to me, but not directly. As a matter of fact, I don't think she was talking to me at all. At first she was, I'm sure of it, but then she kind of fell into her 'Collapse Zone', and just kept talking as she kept destroying rising blocks and therefore increasing her score. "You see, what you've got to do is get rid of the blues and the greens, but you have to keep the reds. See what I'm doing? I'm keeping the reds. That's right, the reds are staying. Oh, they want to go, but for now, I'm keeping them. Just going to let these blocks rise, blowing up the blues and greens, but keeping the reds. You watching? Yeah, now, my secret. Hold on. BAM!"
I love her, but she's nuts. Her madness continued, the game sped up and became more complicated (three colors of blocks increased to four, along with the addition of colored bombs and the occasional blinking block), and her score spiraled upwards without boundary. By the time she was done, she had reached about 1.5 million points. She wanted to write it down, but I took a screenshot of it for her, made an image out of it, and she emailed it to her hubby. The competitive side of me turned on like a furnace, and I knew I had to beat her. So, the next morning, I did. I had watched her moves. I had studied her focused madness as she destroyed more and more blocks and got a higher and higher score. So I tried my luck once more, this time applying that which I had learned, and I reached a score of over 1.6 million points.
Dave: You've just awakened a sleeping dragon. Benjamin: I know... It's so cool. Benjamin: She's pissed? Dave: She doesn't know yet. Benjamin: I watched how she played. I did pretty much the same thing I guess. Dave: Gotcha. Benjamin: Then I finished the game and realized what I had. Benjamin: I took a screenshot, and shared with the 'champion'. Dave: Nice. Benjamin: Now ... the REST of the story. Dave: Thanks Paul Harvey. Benjamin: Don't you DARE tell Adina. Dave: I wont... Benjamin: I knew, with my honest score of 673 thousand, I needed a million more to beat her. Benjamin: So... Benjamin: With the skills I've learned over the years. Benjamin: A little copy. Benjamin: A little paste. Benjamin: I beat her. Dave: Oh she's gonna' kill you. Benjamin: I made ANOTHER image and sent that. Dave: Oh dude ... you're so dead. Benjamin: I'm in tears just from telling you. Dave: OHHH BOY Benjamin: It's so funny. I can see her now. Dave: Yep. Benjamin: Ignoring the WORLD until she beats me. Dave: You know it. Benjamin: Then I'm going to beat her again. Benjamin: She plays her way... Benjamin: I play mine... Dave: Man when she finds out... Benjamin: ...I'll have no arm-hair left. Benjamin: Do NOT tell her. PROMISE me. Dave: I won't, I promise Oh my, my, my. She was none too thrilled.
Adina: CHEATER!!!!!! IF IT WASN"T FOR ME YOU WOULD BE NOWHERE!!!!!!! Benjamin: Think you can beat my score, Dink? Adina: It's on now Benjamin
The beauty of it is that she beat the pants off me. She didn't win by a little, she won by a lot. She beat my 1.6 million points with a score of almost 2.6 million. Not to be outdone, I tried my luck once more. With my image doctoring skills in full effect, I made an image that looks like I played, and played hard, and reached a score just over 2.6 million. She was enraged. So, while she was trying even harder to beat my newest score (I know she was - she doesn't lose, remember?), I sent out another image with another incredible tally.
I thought that the random number I made up was ridiculous enough that anybody, especially someone who's been playing for so long, would read it instantly as fake.
Dave: Adina asked me to superimpose a higher score for her. I was beside myself. I got an instant image of my poor sister, pale from lack of food, water, or sleep, killing herself over this stupid game, trying hard to beat my every growing, un-climbable mountain of a score. She was actually desperate and was willing to cheat, just like she did all those years ago, to beat her big brother. I was in tears with laughter, but I also knew that her torment needed to end. So, I mocked up one more final image, one that I thought would be the ultimate give-away.
Adina: Ok. You did that on the computer. Benjamin: Did what on the computer? Adina: Got that score. Benjamin: Of course I did it on the computer. Where else was I supposed to play that video game? Adina: Come on, it was fake. At that point in the phone conversation, I started laughing. I confessed. I confessed it all. I told her that my last score of 9,999,999 was indeed fake, that all my scores were fake, that she's been trying so hard for nothing. She then informed me of my upcoming death and that she herself would be the one who would personally arrange a meeting between me and G-d. I then told her that Dave was in on it from the beginning. He's going to get it when he gets home, or at least, that's what she told me. She then went on and on about my upcoming date with pain, about the suffering I was going to so experience, and the simple fact that no matter how far I run, she'll catch me. Ok, so, maybe this wasn't the best idea. |
She clicks on one of the reds, but since they were all linked together,
they all blew up, there was a neat little sound effect, she got a huge
chunk of bonus points (I don't know - 80,000 or so), and then started
talking like Billy Bob Thornton from Slingblade, "Mmm hmmm. Dat's right.
Got me a big bonus. Mmm hmmm. Dat's what I did. Dat's right. Eighty thousand,
mmm hmmm."
I took a screenshot and sent out an email to both her and Dave, and
waited for their responses.
Livid, but determined. Shortly thereafter, she sent and email to both
Dave and I with a new screenshot and a new score. She'd beaten me, well,
she managed to beat my made up score.
Over
eight and a quarter million.
9,999,999
points with huge glowing letters right in the middle of the playing area
that read, "PERFECT GAME!" - glow effects and all.
